Shhh…

Growing up my home was often filed with shouts and screams. My step-father was an easily excitable man who got upset at every little thing. My mother would often say that even the things he didn’t eat made him ill (in Spanish of course). My parents fought and yelled at each other a lot. They would yell at me and my sibling too. I think this is what has conditioned me to hate too much noise. People who are loud will send my nerves on edge and until very recently, I would cry when anyone raised their voice at me, even one octave. If I’m out somewhere and there are too many sounds at once, or if someone is listening to the radio and talking at the same time I immediately get frustrated. The conflicting sounds overwhelm me. Nothing annoys me more than a person with no inside voice. I work in a call center environment and have no escape from constant noise and talking. I will often eat lunch in my car because even the break room can be loud. By the end of the day I just want to come home and lock myself in a dark, quiet closet and decompress.

I come from a family of loud people. When my aunts and mother get together they talk and laugh and it can get a bit loud. Or if someone in my family is telling a story about something they are passionate or excited about, they gradually get louder and louder, that by the end it feels like they are practically shouting.

I find it difficult to work on something that requires any bit of concentration¬†with music playing in the background. The perfect background music for me is silence. I think this is also because I am very introverted. I already have so much going on in my mind that the outside noises overstimulate me. I am always thinking about the latest news, that t.v. show I watched last night, the book I am currently reading. analyzing the talk I had with my partner this morning, the song that I heard someone humming that is now stuck in my head, plus what I am physically doing on the outside. For every word I say out loud I hold back five. I think the problem maybe that when people are loud or there is too much noise, it drags me out of my head. The outside world becomes one I cannot drown out. I am the type of person who can spend two hours facing a white wall and not get bored. I love to sit and think and daydream. To just let my mind wonder. Lately I haven’t been able to do much daydreaming because I have so much going on in my life, there is just no time. I think I’ll set aside some time this weekend to revisit my daydreams and just sit alone and think quietly.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s